Anti-Valentine's day jokes!

I actually have a girlfriend, but we both hate Valentine's day because we think it's stupid. So that got me thinking of awful but hilarious anti-Valentine's day jokes! 

But I only have 2 so far.

What did the man say to the woman who stole his heart?
"Can I have it back? I'm literally dying!"

Roses are red 
Violets are... red... 
Grass is... also red? 
Damn it, who set my lawn on fire?!

Priorities. 

Teacher: Okay, Billy, can you tell us the purpose of Valentine's Day?

Billy: Selling love related garbage.

(not the best but I think this is sorta funny)

I also dislike Valentine's Day

A breakup is like riding a bike. Except the training wheels are on fire, and the bike is on fire, and you're on fire, and the pavement is on fire and everything is on fire because it's h*ll.

I recently transferred schools. A lot of guys here don't like me, but their girlfriends sure do!



Honestly mate, that's just a normal day down under.

My ex-girlfriend still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!
HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

You see, it's funny because dating is terrible.

Forget-me-nots are blue
Delphiniums are blue
I'm blue
Da ba dee da ba die

I heard one of my friends were struck by Cupid himself on Valentine’s Day.

I submitted a police report within an hour. Someone had to, he’s armed and dangerous!

Her: "Do you have a date for Valentines?"
Me:  "Yes. February the 14th"

Haha, I love all of these! I've got a couple more myself.

A man walks into a bar.
...And a table.
...And a chair.
Is he blind? No, he's in love.

Roses are pink
Violets are purple
In life, romance is
A really big hurdle

“Valentine’s Day money-saving tip: Break up on Feb. 13. Get back together on the 15th.” —David Letterman

“Today is Valentine’s Day—or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!” —Jay Leno

“The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine’s Day headquarters. Guys, if that’s your Valentine’s Day headquarters, you can also call the garage your new home.” —Jay Leno

?

Guys, it's coming in a week. We have to be ready.

Getting ready to utilize these!

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Don't ever surprise 
Oscar Pistorious

NAAAAAAAAAAH


Nah mate, that one's wild. I grew up hearing about him.

ooooo that's harsh hahaha.