NKB Prime-Time Report:
We travelled to the Cayman Islands and waded through the likes of Elon Musk and Tony Stark to catch up with Brian Burch. Brian, we are all surprised at what seemed like a dominant win in Elite today. What put the wind in your sails?
Burch – "We can attribute and dedicate the victory to Pepper Potts, who is harassing me after being refused contract considerations. She called us 'the worst team in IGP history'! She said we only have one strategy, I believe the exact term was, ‘Pump and Dump’. I told her the main goal is to build the team but we can win anytime we want! She said to prove it, we did. Still sitting on 153 design points by the way.”
There are some rumors of cheating but aren’t there always?
Bobbert Risk, Out.
Volatile Work Environment After Wet Race
Hillbully TD Rizki Hartono made the decision to accuse The Real Brain Burch of cheating. “With all of the complaining and the distance they won by, I’m guaranteeing they cheated. There is no way they’re faster! I talked to management and they approved the deposit, the cars are being torn down as we speak”.
When confronted with the topic, Burch TD Reece Robinson said, “There is no evidence of widespread cheating. Biden won and so did we”.
God = Ray Charles and Brian Burch = ?
So if God is love and love is blind but Ray Charles is blind too, does that make God Ray Charles? What does this have to do with Brian Burch? Not much. Now, if we apply that same thinking to what we saw in Elite, we come one step closer to understanding who the Real Brian Burch really is, really. It’s simple, Dustin Hoffman = The Rainman and with what happened today in Elite, Brian Burch is also the Rainman. This points to Brian Burch being Dustin Hoffman and Dustin Hoffman being Indian.
Orange is the New Win?
A suspicious trend is developing in Elite. While twenty-three drivers have scored points this season, only those with Orange team colors occupy the very top positions. We looked into this and it seems with so many blue teams the complimentary color is seeing some love. There is some talk of changing for the better, “We’ve got to do what works and obviously, orange is working!” said Hillbully representatives yesterday, “We’ll try anything at this point, if it was going barefoot and drinking a gallon of whiskey before each race, we’d do it!”.
Tune in next time for another dose of "news" from NKB, the most-trusted IGP info-outlet.